so hungry suddenly,
had to microwave frozen stuffs to eat in the mid of the night.
didnt eat a full meal today.
but so far my tight diet has been going on rather smoothly.
1meal can jolly well last me for a whole day.
anything else, i would be too full.


hadnt been able to find work yet.
but no fret.
bcause i enjoy being a parasite and a loafer nw.

jus had my first day of sch ytd.
class was v small.
prev my class had slightly mre than 100.
now this class only had ard 50 i think.
no handsome this sem also.
both lecturers i had are females.

im gettin very emo right now.
jus gulp dwn a big can.

suddenly feel that my life is gettin really messy
whatever happen to my thinking?
why is it gettin swayed now.

no i have to reorganise my life now
throw out things that shouldnt belong
if i can do it in the past, i can do it now
jus that i couldnt stand the loneliness anymore

couple of hugs, anyone?
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friday was crazy.
went ecp 7eleven and bought a couple of drinks.
then shoot to sk plaza 7eleven and bought another 1bot.
and in the end i went crazily drunk.
until i couldnt even stand.
and i was slping in my bathroom for god-knows how long.
until mummy came and help me out.

and the bloody hangover last for 1 whole damn long day.
i hate the hangover of vod and redwine.
vod makes me headache.
and the taste of redwine jus couldnt get away.
totally insane.

the hangover makes me really want to quit drinkin for gd.
ya since so many stupid things happen when im drunk,
i should really quit drinkg for gd.
;)
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nope, job interview didnt call me up.
im somehow glad as well.
bcause im gettin used to doing nothing at home.
not feeling useless anymore. ;)
is that gd news or bad one?

and i did went for lunch with the sales ppl at osram.
wanted ter to fetch me to the beef noodle stall,
but they claim they have meeting aftwards.
so can only eat nearby hawker.
super disappointing.

im foregoing clubbin for mv tonight with sec sch friends.
yea, im also abit sick of the drunk feeling.

btw i was running my usual 2km route.
then while i was under my blk resting and smoking.
i saw jj on the way hm frm work.
so i kinda force him to change and we went running to punggol and back.
and nw my leg still hurts slightly.
dont think i'll be able to wear heels out tonight.
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me jus went for an interview,
both the office and i cmi.

headcount only 3 ppl.
office is even smaller than my own bedroom.

me had 'block' throat during interview.
guess i was pretty nervous.
and keep clearing my throat.

and so they say, i'll call you.
which i really doubt they will.
and i hope they wont.
even thou i can learn a full set of accounts,
but its too independent. and quiet in the office.

hais. i wanna go back osram.
too bad they nt recruiting p/t.

might be meeting osram ppl for lunch tml aft visiting.
squeeze it into my schedule, if i can.

btw, went ecp ytd night for din @ the food village.
food was yummy. had seafood.
i love ecp!

and yawn, im going to slp soon.
im too sad and disappointed with my performance and the job.
XC
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ytd was a pleasant surprise.
shurong couldnt wake up for sch.
so ytd i acc her to the doctor and she acc me to bugis
and we went swimmin together.

funfunfun.
havnt gone out like that since a long time.
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ytd was weird and amazing.
went dimsum at crystal jade.
didnt ate so much prawn in my life.
i was kinda prepared for that.
so i ordered lime juice.

amazingly, my throat didnt give me any problem.
usually, when i eat 1 single siewmai, my corner of my lips would swell
only way to overcome is by drinkin smth extreme or tea.
so i guess it kinda like, the sour taste win the prawn taste.
so it doesnt get swollen. or smth likdat.

but prawn sucks.
must be that i dont usually eat prawns.
that's y i think that prawns doesnt taste gd.
also, im turned off by the fact that the line in the middle of the prawn is shit.
and most restaurant doesnt pull that string out.

anw i finally bought my watch.
even thou i haben start workin ytd.
but it was a loan frm mummy dearest.
cus she's been helpin me find jobs, so she know im not slacking.
and since gss is here. so why not grab the disc now.

so me a happy happy girl now.
except at night most of the time still super lonely.

oh and. im going on a diet. i swear.
i cant carry on stuffing random food down anymore.
its unhealthy, the way im eating.
so im cuting down, and dont worry because im not starving myself.
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i think im going crazy.
thought of going out today since my friends are free.

slpt till 4pm since i was out drinkin ytd.
woke up, wanted to accompany mummy.
but too late and she didnt wanted to go out.
and she bloody watched her cantonese drama that nv seems to end.
and i had nothing to do cus she's watchin in on her com.
and the screen is small.

so i went back to slp.
slpt till ard 5 or 6pm.
my friend called and ask me out.
i told her i was going out.
and she accused me of abandoning her.
hell.
and i had to cancel my shopping and smsed my friend
that mummy's not happy that im going out.

what have i done wrong.
if he hadnt left us likdat would things turn out this way?
i hate him.
i hate him for leaving me to clear this rubbish.
i hate him for leaving mummy.
i hate him for makin mummy lonely.
i hate him for obstructing my life.
i hate him for indirectly causing me to be quarantine at home on wkends.
i hate him for lettin mummy work so hard on wkdays.

im in a super foul mood nw.
i wan to dig him out and
slap him
punch him
scold him
strangle him
murder him.

but where do i start?
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WARNING : v PMS-y post.
(yes, i think its coming.)

basically, its all written over the prev post.
i feel so out of place with the world.
while everybody is doing their part earning money or studying,
then im at home doing smth non-productive.
i hate this kind of feeling, suddenly feel so useless.

and what i do at home is nothing.
no one is at home everyday.
i jus sit, daze or stone. otherwise, telly, com or slp.

and i think im to frugal smtime.
i was thinkin of going compass shoppin alone.
when on 2nd tots, i think i wont be able to find any gd bargins there,
so i'll jus be wasting my busfare to and fro.
so therefore im staying at home.
and everybody is too busy and ignoring me.

i feel like im quarantine at home instead.
maybe i should jolly well join some socialising co.
but just the tot of it makes me feel like puking.
i feel like there's smth wrong with me nw.

what should i do...
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had my monitor replaced today.
there was some prob with the screen.
i packed everything, including the wire and gave it to the courier.
then who knows the new monitor doesnt come with the wire.
i think it doesnt.
either it doesnt or i misplaced it when i unpack the box.

so i had to wake up earlier then 1pm
and wait for the courier bcause it says 1pm to 5pm.
great.

me so bored.
i cant find a job.
im doing nothing at the moment.
i feel so lost and useless.
=(
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wa so shiok this feeling.
i jus finish my exams.
however, its nt the end yet.
im resuming sch on 1st of july.
that's fast right.
and im lookin for a job alr.
because i've set my eyes on a watch.
haha.

hope i got somewhere near,
then i can have more time to slp man!

ahh, money grabbing and studying....
im coming, unfortunately.
two at a time.
i've nv guessed this day would come.
I AM SO BROKE MAN.
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today is hella of day.
i went to sch and reach at 10.
couldnt find a seat in the study room.
didnt have a choice, so i went for breakfast at mac.
then headed for home automactically.

reached home less than 5mins then dwayne offer me to send me to cdac near nchs.
but it wasnt open and i dont know why.
so desperate means call for desperate measures.
headed to tamp library while dwayne went to sch.
too bad all the study tables were occupied.

stayed at the library for abt an hour then dwayne finished sch.
so went back with him.
went hg plaza for i dont know whether to call it lunch or din since it was ard 4.
and ate kway chap which is too heavy a meal for teabreak.

then went home and snore.

what should i do tml.
what if the same thing happens again.
what if i cant grab a seat in sch again.
what if i dont have a choice anymore and have to go home again.
i hate the chinese nationals.
argh....
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half-time for exams.
nxt exams is coming monday.
so i have ard a few days to relax before intensive revision again.

like totally scary, the exams.
the first paper was taxation.
consisting of 5questions.
time allowed was 3hrs and 15mins for reading the questn paper.
and i had just enuf time to stop writing when the exam sup says
"the exam stops.. now."
haha.

then today came the corporate and business law paper.
wrote all the way as well.
wrote for all i was worth.
jus keep thinkin in my mind, write rubbish better than write nothing.
haha.
so i threw in whatever related, whether relevant or specific or not.

so exhausted.
i nv knew sitting for exams 3hrs and 15mins per day for 2 days was so tiring.
plus the aircon at rjc multi purpose hall was so cold.
then 20mins to exam end, they'd off the aircon,
then it becomes damn suffocating.

argh, i prefer my expo.
at least i can meet up with cheryl before exams.
and at least i can smoke JUST before i go in for my exams.

yawn.. so drained.
gonna go to bed soon.
anw i had din at kovan with dwayne tonight.
yummy yummy. the gd ole taste, the gd ole place.
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im so unhappy now.
very not happy.
mummy stole my 19inch monitor and replaced a 17inch for me.
and im not gonna get used to it!
so v small.

argh.....
and i gotta reformat my com now.
i hope it'll turn out ok since i always make a mess when i reformat.
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die, most prob drinkin again tml night.
tell me. how can i concentrate on my exams!
and my exams is just 3days aft today.
uh oh.....

anw i went crazy today, aft studyin at sch.
i went shoppin ard ps and spent crazily alone.

and oh yes, the cust serv nowadays really sucks.
thinkin back the days where i was still a sales assistant.
comparing, its really bad now.
hais.
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i think im gettin overstrained!
even thou i've nt really been studyin intensively,
but im still getting tired aft awhile, despite slpin at 12 everynight.
compared to previously, i slpt at 2.

and and,
my injured leg has muscle aches nw.
my good leg's feet was sprain by tt day and have nt recover yet.
and my right hand suddenly feel so heavy and strengthless.
very 'suan', they call it.
must be ytd, pushin myself ard the hse.
then i feel so feverish nw, must be due to being drenched in drizzle
came home, didnt bathe first then went to bed immed.
then, most of all, i have a sore throat.

life so bad to me when exams are coming. damn.
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cheryl's birthday celebration was fun.
but i fell down on my way home.
i know its v stupid to fall down at my age.
but mind u, i was getting tipsy and walkin ard with a 3inch heels.
haha. and the wound is like small kid while playin catching and fall down tt kind.

wonder how long will it take for the scar to go away. hmms.
and plus i cant walk now.
the wound dried up and i cant stick my leg straight.
so i cant walk. yes i cant walk.
i've been pushing myself ard the hse sitting on an office chair.
and so i didnt do any studying today. cus i cant go sch by myself.
so sad lor. one day of pubbing and i lost so many days to study.
namely sunday and monday.

anw the present for cheryl.
its a very sweet and girlish musical box. from me and anthony.

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happy 250th post in this blog.

and i've cried twice jus nw. within an hr can.
first was cus of the telly. the bloody 9pm .
the show was so sad.
make me cry for 3 days straight.
either im too tired then i cry or cus the show's really sad.

ok then when the show finished, i went back to my room.
then on the way i step on a bloody grasshopper!!
the small young grasshopper was only as long as 1/3 of my small finger.
then i fuckin step on it.
and i cry and whine like a small kid.
stomping on the flr shouting for mummy while crying.
didnt stop crying until i ran to the bathrm, washed my leg throughly
then ran out. and mummy gave me a great big hug.
then my crying stop.

ok it may seem silly but pls dont judge other ppl by what u fear/do not fear.
diff ppl have diff level of tolerance.
and i simply cant tolerate stepping in insects or touching birds, cats, dogs.
maybe polar bears too, despite i love them to bits.
if really one day, i were to accidently touched a cat, i think i'd cry for e whole day.
if one day i were to touched a pigeon, i think i'll cry for a wk.
and therefore having depression and traumatised by it for e rest of my life.

my stomach's v bad aft eating pineapples.
but im off to boatq nw.
GD NIGHT!
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i didnt go studying at sch today.
i couldnt wake up.
at the time where mummy was suppose to call hm and wake me up,
then i call her first and tell her:
dont wake me up.
i wan to slp, dont want to go sch revise today.

then i set my alarm few hrs later,
thought tt maybe i'll go sch at a later time.
and in the end i woke at 1.30pm.
bloody shit.

and i had nowhere to go.
so i went to skcc, also to the postoffice to do smth.
then i stay for ard 20mins at skcc to study.
then went roaming ard compass.
sat the the library's kids corner, cus tts the only place which has a table in the whole library.
LOUSY LIBRARY.
the kids were fucking noisy.
i almost wanted to scream at them.
yes i hate children.

oh oh, and i bought cheryl her birthday present too.
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i went back to school to study today.
there were 3 study rooms available in the morning.
2 of them were at 2nd flr, which i'd need an access card to get into.
and which i can, no. im suppose to get the access card for fking 8dollars.
and which im so stingy and i dont want to pay cus i dont have classes on the 2nd flr,
neither do i need access to the library.

so i went early in the morn.
thinkin tt woah. so early, sure got seat at the 4th flr one.
the study rm were open at maybe 9.45?
i reached at 10 and all occupied can??!!

and then i had no choice to go sneaking ard the 2nd flr and see if there's anyone tt opens the door and i can mingle my way in.

i sneaked in successfully.
then aft an hr plus i wanted to smoke.
so i went roaming ard the area, and everywhere, they need an accesscard to get to.
even out.
then so i went loithering ard the exit, waiting for ppl to tap out.
haha. it was damn funny.
and luckily it was their 15mins breaktime, so alot of ppl were going in and out.
and aft smoke, still alot of ppl.
so lucky me. if not i'll have to be locked outside with my books + bag inside.

then comes 1pm. quickly rushed to th 4th flr and chop a seat in the study room.
else would be all occupied.
like so kaisu rt.

and i forgot to bring my writing pad with me.
so i went to the material collection area and asked if they're selling.
then they gave me a stack of plain a4 papers.
how sweet.

and to conclude, imma gd girl today.
i stick my stupid fucking butt in the classroom from 10 to 5.20pm.
nt counting the times i went out to smoke la.
i even forego my lunch break.
i bought burger in the morn and munch em in the aftnn while revising.

and... i saw handsome.
yea i saw handsome.
I SAW HIM. haha.
i saw him while i was on the way to 4th flr to find a seat.
and i saw him a few hrs later when i was in the study room.
someone came in, open the door.
i looked up, and i saw handsome walked past and glanced into the room
so coincidence rt. RIGHT??
muahahahhaahhahah.
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i am v pissed off by my lecturer.
because of the notes she gave.
so bloody messy tt i cant even study.
and i feel like im wasting my time trying to read the lecture notes.
cus the same bloody thing can repeat itself for afew times throughout the notes.

the messiest notes i've ever rec'd in my life.
and she can even tell us, yea the notes is abit messy.
u all should try to rearrange the notes urself.
fuck.

still, handsome notes is the best.
clearcut and straight to the point.
yes, i wont be able to see handsome until july or jan i think.
then i'll be attending his class again.
either im repeating on july because i failed this sem
or going up to a higher module on jan which he's gonna be teaching as well.
or unless i see him randomly by the corridor.

gone were the good old days of ogling him in class.
ops.
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i went over to mall for take away dinner and on the way to buy cigg downstairs.
i dont know what's wrong with me or what
but everything turns out wrongly.
like as if i have a 'bully me' written on my forehead.

i was queuing for my mac when suddenly a small boy splash water on me.
he was holding on to the old nike waterbottle which when u press,
then the water squirts out.
yes, he squirt the water on my leg.
i turned ard and he gave me tt innocent face.
with the waterbottle nozzle facing him, not me.
like as if trying to tell me, not me mdm, not me.
i feel so bloody *(^*^%^%*&.
u dont expect me to scold him or what right.
even thou i badly feel like hitting him on the face.
not even a sorry.

so sadly and helplessly, i could only give him a disgusted face and turned ard.

nxt, i went to buy cigg at the shop below my blk.
near my blk to be excat.
a young man was on shift then.
by a young man i mean ard my age. and he has a fking attitude prob.
his face is like. those norm ppl see alr will want to slap him.
like those "kiam pa bin"
i've seen him ard the shop a couple of times alr.
but today, i went to buy cigg and i gave him a big note.
so he changed 4notes of 10$ for me.
and he fking put the notes on the counter.
and the notes was like, messy.
some were folded into halves, some were facing the other side.
which means i had to spent like a few secs to rearrange the notes,
and i only had 1 hand to do it cus i was holding on to my dinner with the other hand.

so, does my face really look like as if im gd to bully?
if not why did 2 diff person bullied me within half an hr.
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went for visiting today.
broke down in tears today.

pms and pre exams stress.
need i say mre?
im jus too tired. every small thing makes me cry easily nw.
even the big rain today.
i was talkin to qiangqiang then suddenly a loud thunder rang.
then i cried..

aft the visiting session was over, i stood facing the carpark
while waitin for korkor to collect my bag.
i told korkor "eh see that sp there, look like qiangqiang de bike hor"
then he say "later go there see carplate lor"

then aft tt we ran to the carpark to shelter frm the big rain!
and really!!! his bike. his stupid 7719. haha.
then i went over to have a closer look.
everything was still the same except his and my name were gone.
haha.

so coincidence.

then i went over to tp to study for the exams.
stayed at the library mugging for 2hrs straight.
then sr came back to tp and fetched me to sk.

slpt like a log until mummy was so furious tt she actually screamed at me to wake up.
haha. cus if i cont slping, then i wonldnt be able to slp at night..
then tml morning i'll be v tired.

i've been hitting the sack only at am 2 for almost a few days alr.
and waking up as early as 8am.
i know tt 6hrs of slp which is actually enuf for adults.
(p/s: 8hrs is for old babies and young children.)
but u throw in the stress, misc.. not quite enuf.

and i lived my life like a bullet train for the past few days.
sitting down and thinkin abt it nw, idk what im rushing for.
but the problem is that i cant help rushing!
i cant help being 'kiasi'....

anw im not going joggin ard.
my leg feels too fragile nwadays to go jogging.
stew says im old alr.
haha. and nw i feel like my arms looks like a drumstick.
i wan to do some pushups but im too tired to do so.

im off to the telly nw, then muggin for exams.
which is just 18days away.
btw im going to the sgflyer on sat. so so lookin forward.
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im in a v much mood not to blog.
im bored of blogging.

however, more bored of studying.

the idea of sneaking out has been appearing in my head.
and the goddamn friends keep on drink drink drink.
its really hard to confine myself at home.
esp when the long wkend is coming ard.
and everyone elses goes drinking man!


anw i had sch today. the same module for 6 hrs, excluding an hr break.
so i sit in class for tt hour break too.
and resulted in numbness in backside at ard the 5th hour.
like so poor thing.
i had to concentrade. then my backside is hurting me.
i wish i could bring a cushion tml.
else, a bed would be better right.


seriously, im alr blinded by the material world alr.
so blind until i dont feel anything already.
maybe simplicity is still the best choice of all.
but simplicity doesnt equates to poverty.
would u be able to meet the necessary demands for daily stuffs nxt time?
sorry but i doubt so.
i wish i could say it right to ur face.
but u know i nv will.
because im still living in the childish world where love is bigger than anything.
u locked me in.
somehow, i want to get out.
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i am in a bad mood today.
im so angry with mummy.

she didnt ask me if i wan dinner or not.
she'd asked me last time.
nw she didnt.

and i was so bloody hungry.
and pissed bcause she didnt buy dinner back for me.
so i actually went to rivervale mall specially just to get my dinner.

when i came back, she said.
"u go down mall and buy dinner ah.
like i torture u likdat."
then i said.
"no meh. nv even ask me want what for dinner"

hais. life..

p/s: i've started setting up my study corner.
which was abit late compared to last time.
there's only less than a mth to the exams.
which normally, i'd set up the studying corner 1mth since the exam.
and stop using the com or going out.
but this sem, im totally not interested in studying anymore.
im starting to get real damn lazy.
and im so so damn lookin forward to the post exams period.
mummy's alr considering a holiday.

yea, let me get away for a while.
im really sick and tired of all tts happening ard me.
gonna collapse soon.
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shawn met me up for supper at jln kayu.
he changed new car!
then we ask paul if he wants to join us.
then he rejected us.
aftwards when we left jln kayu alr then he said he wanted to come down.
indecisive! haha.

theni met up with kh.
went for Ironman midnight ytd @amk.
very nice! and very handsome. haha.

and then aft the show kh and me went past buangkok.
and he showed me the kampung style houses.
which i was 'wahhing' all the way.
who'd guess behind the urban blks of buangkok,
there'll be a stretch of hses made of wood.
then i reach home at 5am.
and collasped on bed before kh reached home.

but anw, ironman was nice.
the 2hr movie is worth catching!
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i went studying at mac with kh today.
we're like so power.
althou most of it doesnt get into my brain.
but we stayed there for ard 6hrs.

but my eye starts to get dry cus i woke up early for visiting today.
so we went home at 8.

might be due to the fact that i've been in a bloody good damn mood lately.
we laughed alot at today's visit.
the good old times.
i jus cant help but to laugh at anything everything.
stop my too-good mood pls.
btw im having lessons on tml, which is Labour Day.
but im still all smiles.
wipe that smile off my face!

calm comes before storms.
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mummy jus bought a new pitcher ytd.
which comes with a filter.
and inside the filter is carbon fibre.
and so, we're suppose to wash the filter before filtering the drinking water.
and the water used for washing the filter turns BLACK.
and a little bit of carbons in the water.

had to wash until the water runs clear.
and then we drank. guess what!
the water tasted sweeter. haha.

and the water is super clean.
looking thru the transparent pitcher, u cant even spot an unidentified object by eye in the water.



and i bloody feel like going shopping today.
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i feel so alone all of a sudden.
all thanks to the humongous pimple tt jus popped out.
and so there goes my wkend.
unless i cant really tahan anymore then i'll jus go out.
which i think i really might.

argh... go away. this feeling of loneliness.


p/s i hate ppl who only think of themself.
but then again. who'd love them?
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my neighbourhood was damn nosiy jus now.
there's this voice shouting at a constant tone.
then comes another voice shouting KB LA.
repeating twice.
haha. damn happening.
and the kpo me looked down and saw......

nothing.
except for a man walking his dog.

im stucked to my keyboard for the past few days.
as in the piano type keyboard.
been trying hard to play MoonRiver.
and i bloody hate my left hand.
feels like cramping when i try really hard to press all the keys.

anw, yes cramps.
my body's having cramps lately.
it happens when i was at the toilet washing my face.
my left leg cramps. and i had to wash the soap off while standing on my right leg.
then aft washing, i went to stand in front of the mirror.
vainpot. looking at my face.
then my right leg cramp. great.
the left recovered then comes the right.
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i went to watch the forbidden kingdom ytd with kh.
at downtown east's shopping mall.
which i still dunno what it's called yet.

fantastic. i mean the mall.
it has a indoor amusement park.
haha.

aft the movie we went down to t3.
which i all along thought t3 was the budget term.
and which stupid kh was laughing at me.
and which when kh brought me to the budget term and i laugh..

haha. so big diff lor.
if ever anyone tell me t3 is budget too i'll laugh until my pants drop.









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dwayne is suffering frm a broken heart recently.
had been downstairs talkin to him for the past few days.

i tried runnin ytd again.
must be that i didnt do warm up beforehand.
so it hurts aft a few steps.
so i didnt finish what i was suppose to run.
lousy.

anw i was late for visiting today.
i didnt leave home late.
the bus didnt came aft so long.
but i should have leave house earlier la.
cus it's not the first time im late already.

and then i went to the bank at yishun to update my address.
and seriously, yishun reminds me of when i was small.
feels totally like hougang.
except i dont know why yishun has so many pigeons.

ok then i got home.
and went for a aftnn nap.
and had a nightmare:

it was a v countryside like road.
the road had no curbs and pavement.
sand were the only thing on the ground.
i was reaching the bus stop.
and my bus came. but i had to chase after the bus.
and aft the bus stop alr then the bus stopped.
3ppl came down the bus before i board the bus.
1monk and 2 normal person.
and the 2 normal person was carrying the monk.
feels like the monk fainted or what.
then the 2 ppl carried him to the side of the road.

while i was watching this, i was thinkin whether to offer my help anot.
i had no idea where i am.
as in which part of the bus i was at.
suddenly the bus moved.
and i moved as well.
like as if i was holding on to the bus frm outside.
the bus was moving v fast.
sand blew ard like as if there was a sand storm.
i knew i was having a nightmare already.
but i just cannot wake.
i manage to open my eye slightly.
but closed again. and the dream continues again.
until i force myself to open my eye fully.

woke up in fright. called kh. lol.

then here i am. waiting for my burger king dinner to come home.
and lookin forward to hearing the ahwang 7pm show song.
it's nice and sweet.
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